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I’m not perfect, but…

September 6, 2007

Okay, this will probably be a challenging blog, because I’m going to try to flesh out some feelings and frustrations.  If you ask me in a week, I could feel completely different.

I’m not perfect (now, my perspective on that probably will not change!); I can be beyond selfish.  I can be annoying and get on people’s nerves.  I can be distant and non-communicative.  I can be hard-hearted towards people I care about.  I can be a bad friend.  But…

Sometimes I wonder if we humans expect too much.  I’m a decent guy.  I struggle, but I care.  I really do care about people.  I really do care about you.  But I really do care about others too.  And I’m finding it hard to meet everyone’s expectations of how I should be.  What kind of friend I should be.  What kind of co-worker I should be.  What kind of believer I should be. 

I feel pressed on everyside to be this or be that, or meet this need, or meet that.  And ya know, I wish I could.  I hate it when I let friends and family down. 

I was talking with a friend earlier today, and he said something that really impacted me.  He said friendship is only genuine when it’s not obligatory.  In other words, friendship is only meaningful when both parties can enter in willingly and appreciatively.  But can friendship ever get to a point where one side asks for what the other side cannot give (at that point in time)? 

My closest friends (at least back in the States) are people that I can go weeks– even months without talking to, but it DOESN’T change how much I care about or love them.  I treasure them because our relationship is one with no expectations or demands.  We simply love each other.   

I want to be a better friend.  I want to love more passionately and more completely.  But I also want to be accepted as I am.  In my ups and downs, in the good times and the bad,  even when I’m there and when I’m not (for I will return).

“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind, let each of you esteem other higher than himself.  Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of other.” 

-O Lord, let it be so…

 To my friends and my family,

I love you.

In His love.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Whitney W permalink
    September 7, 2007 5:23

    And we love you too buddy! 🙂

  2. September 7, 2007 8:54

    Thai culture puts a lot of focus on showing friendship. It’s sometimes emotionally draining. It makes you so tired to work so hard at friendship. Thats the differences between thais and Americans. Mostly, Americans just need some time away. Sure, We all do. We are learning and we would never want to change or force you. We love you the way you are. There’re sympathy and thoughtful among thais. We offer TOO much, we care TOO much, we expect TOO much. We have grown differently. Thai parents will not let 3 years old child do thing by themself. Americans just let them change PJs by themself.

    In my opinion, because we all love you and in your ups and downs, in your good times and bad times we want to share with you, we want you to share with us.

    Friendship can ever get to a point where one side asks for and the other side cannot give. Someone need to let oneself on. If not, it might be broken.

    Ready to start at 0? maybe going around and round at 0 this year. Wouldn’t it be worth?? with constant 0?

  3. Jason A permalink
    September 8, 2007 12:26

    Hi Jonathan, I know the frustration you speak of. Here at this seminary we are constatnly being evaulated to see if we have a call to the priesthood, and then you have all of the seminerians with different personalties that come from different parts of the world who you have to live with and go to school with. If you start critically thinking about all of this too much then you would go crazy. Then thats when I realize, that in the end, if you put all your trust in man, he will let you down. We are fallen by nature, but once we reach this point, then we realize that our whole attention should have been on Jesus the whole time and how he allows us to see Him in others. His friendship is the one that truely matters and we are blessed when we do find mortal friends who can be there for us and help nurture our Christian centered relationships. I miss ya man but know you are in my prayers as always.

  4. jonathangroover permalink*
    September 13, 2007 11:21

    Hey Jason (and everyone)

    Thanks for the comments. This was just a frustrating week. Jason, you’re right, Christ’s friendship is the only one that really matters, and it’s only when we find sufficiency in Him, that we can be the loving friends we need to be. So it looks like I’m going to have to get close to Jesus if I want to love others more. That sounds like a pretty good trade off to me…get close to Christ — get closer to friends. Sweet!

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