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Heartbreak…a Look into the Past

July 27, 2007

Okay, okay… before you get ahead of yourself, this has nothing to do with a current situation or feelings that I’m still dealing with.  In fact, it is because that I am okay with my past relationships that I can write about heartbreak in a blog.  But I figured a discussion on heartbreak would be fitting for a post-depression blog.  So here we go.

I have an English degree.  I know it may not look like it from all the typos in my blogs (I’m working on making that better), but I actually spent four years writing, writing, and writing some more.  In any case, I fueled my writing for my entire senior year with my experiences with a broken heart that occured at the end of my junior year.  Seriously.  For instance,  I passed an entire creative writing class by writing about this relationship and the pain it caused.  Or how about this, I wrote my ENTIRE senior thesis from a realization that I had about love based on reading Troilus and Criseyde after this story paralleled my breakup story in a painfully similar fashion.  Okay, maybe it didn’t, but everything I read that year reminded me of my broken heart and so I wrote about it.  I graduated college because my heart was broken! 

As good as it turned out (graduating college is a pretty cool achievement), heartbreak is a horrendous period of a person’s life that causes pain like NOTHING I’ve ever experienced before.  Here’s one of my short poems that I wrote in creative writing.  It was an attempt to write a poem in the style of one of the poet’s we read in class and exemplifies the pain I felt:

“Postcard from Love”

It calls your name, in the moment you least expect it, the moment
You hoped you couldn’t hear anything.  You look up and see the
girl, your breath taken in a second – no, not even; you know that
You will always be hers.  You will never leave, but she may.  It may.

When love leaves, it’s brutal.  Maybe we don’t want it to leave.  Maybe we know that it should, but can’t give it up somehow.  No matter the situation, when love is ripped out of our hearts, it feels like a gaping wound that will never heal.  In my case, it caused such pain (even physical pain) that I couldn’t stay still at times.  I would have to get up and move around.  I lost ten pounds the first week after the “breakup!”  It always amazes me how an emotional pain can have such strong physical consequences.  That’s how powerful love (or the loss of it is).  I think that there is no other force on earth with so much potency (for good or ill) as love.   

I don’t think love was created so powerfully for naught (yes, I do think it was created).  It has devastating power.  And that’s why it has the potential to bring the greatest  happiness and the greatest sorrow.  But I’ve learned a few things about love and how we are “created” (yep, us too! 🙂 ) to deal with love.

First, we have a great capacity to survive a broken heart.  As ferocious as it may seem.  We are hardwired to survive loves brutality.  Of course, if we were created with the ability to survive, then we were also created with the even more amazing ability to give love in great measure – to pour out our lives for love’s sake.  This is a beautiful thing.   We thrive on love (there is a deeper love that God speaks of that goes beyond our human perceptions of love and abilities to love, but alas, that must wait for a future post); it’s the greatest quality of humanity.  But sometimes we need to survive love that’s gone awry, and we can.

Secondly, time heals a heart broken by love.  Now I know that this is the worst cliche known to man for the person with the broken heart!  I hated hearing that.  But it’s true nontheless.  We need time to have our hearts mended correctly.  This is why the worst thing people can do (in my humble opinion) is pursue a new relationship the moment one has ended.  It’s a quick fix, but it does further damage to our heart.  The harder, longer (but better) way is to give our hearts time to become whole again.

Thirdly (and if you’ve read my blog before you know what’s coming 🙂 ), discovering or rediscovering the pure love that Christ offers saved me from my brokenness that fleeting love caused.  I have drunk deeply of the well of Christ’s love, and it’s inexhaustible!  I’ve never known anything comparable to God’s love.  It’s constant, unchanging, and beautiful. 

Those are a few things that helped me overcome a broken heart – a realization that I would survive, time, and Christ.  There are so many ways to deal with heartbreak, but I’ve found few that gave me long lasting peace and healing.  These are the three that have worked.  The process was slow, but the healing was secured.

Oh yeah!  And write!!  Write about heartbreak.  Make poetry.  Write stories.  Have a journal.  You may graduate college with your work! 🙂

Dwell in His LOVE. 

17 Comments leave one →
  1. July 27, 2007 11:16

    Great post–so thoughtful! I went through a year-long post-breakup heartache, even volunteered to go to Iraq so that I’d be dealing with bombs and such instead of thinking about “Last year at this time…” (Surprisingly, it worked quite well!) I think what amazes me is that time–and of course God–heals even that deep pain so thoroughly. I’m glad you’ve found your own way to get through it… and yes, writing really helps (all the better if it gets you through school, too!).

  2. tracey(MOM) permalink
    July 27, 2007 9:33

    I’M impressed. I’ve just read all your blogs…catching up!
    I’m really impressed.

  3. Ben permalink
    July 28, 2007 10:26

    dude, you should write a book.

  4. tracey(MOM) permalink
    July 28, 2007 8:09

    I was thinking of you writing a book as well!

  5. jonathangroover permalink*
    July 28, 2007 8:19

    Thanks Mom! 🙂 And Thanks Ben. It’s good to hear from you!! Maybe someday…

  6. Brie permalink
    September 19, 2007 5:50

    It is so good to read this. You have come a long way bebe from last summer!!!!!! 🙂

  7. Rich permalink
    September 24, 2007 8:14

    It is interesting how universal these truths are. I feel horrible because I know its been forever since we’ve caught up but…I was actually engaged last year before leaving to spend six months in Iraq. We ended everything long-distance while I was sitting on an Iranian oil platform and I see what you went through…lost the weight, let it effect me more than I ever thought it could. Anyways, just thought it was interesting and I really wish you the best. Good luck and enjoy the time you have- eagle

  8. jonathangroover permalink*
    October 2, 2007 8:30

    Hey Rich. It’s great to hear from you man. I’m so sorry to hear about your breakup. I knew you were engaged, but I didn’t realize it was called off. I’m sorry. I hope all is going well for you now wherever you’re at. I pray for your protection and safety. We will definitely have to meet up next time both of us are home.

  9. Idetrorce permalink
    December 15, 2007 10:00

    very interesting, but I don’t agree with you

  10. Meg permalink
    December 24, 2008 1:10

    Jonathan, you know whats weird? I randomly google keywords ‘heartbreak’ and ‘jesus’ because Im struggling with a broken heart and I wanted a Jesus perspective. Anyways, your blog is the top 3 result…and then I notice links to greg boyd(my hero) and woodland hills(my church)…just kinda a small world wide web is all. I thank you for the encouraging words!

    • jonathangroover permalink*
      December 26, 2008 2:34

      Hey Meg,

      Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. I pray that God will bring supernatural healing and peace to you as He uses this time to win your heart to Him (even more). A friend of mine gave me invaluable advice during my “heartbreak” time. He said, “Don’t ever give your heart away; it belongs to God forever. People may share in it with Him as you love them, but no one is to ever have your heart unconditionally apart from God.” Greg Boyd is my modern hero too! I’ve read most of his stuff and he has greatly influenced my theology and passion for the kingdom of God. I hope to visit the church someday. Maybe I’ll see you! 🙂 Be blessed.

  11. Kristen Pace permalink
    April 8, 2009 5:50

    i likee. 🙂

  12. Ellie Jenkins permalink
    July 5, 2010 4:41

    Ok this is pretty awesome, I definately think you should listen to the peple and write your own book. It’s nice to know i’m not the only one still struggling after a long period of time, thank you 🙂

    • jonathangroover permalink*
      July 5, 2010 10:19

      Thank you Ellie! 🙂 I hope and pray that you nestle up into the arms of God and allow his healing to work in your heart. You will get through it!

  13. Sabatini permalink
    July 5, 2010 1:46

    I think this is brilliant! made me feel loads better

  14. October 9, 2011 10:37

    Hiya, I’m really glad I have found this info. Nowadays bloggers publish just about gossips and web and this is really irritating. A good blog with exciting content, that is what I need. Thanks for keeping this website, I’ll be visiting it. Do you do newsletters? Cant find it.

  15. Lillian permalink
    January 6, 2012 10:49

    really need this. longterm relationship just ended. its so hard but your words helped me. please please write a book. please pray for me too. i absolutely love the advice from your dear friend about never letting go of your heart as it belongs to the Lord unconditionally. i am learning that the hard way. never will i do that again.

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