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A Neverending Battle? Depression Part II

July 25, 2007

Hello to my faithful readers (I think I have anywhere from 5 to 10)! 🙂

I wanted to write another post on my analyization of depression.  The reason for this is two fold, I want to clarify some things about my personal battle.  And two, I want to clarify some things for new readers who might stumble across this blog who are also struggling with depression.

Some people might have read my last post and seen the “casualness” of the post itself and assume that I treat depression too lightly or what I struggle with is not really depression.  A few things may be said about this.  First, I would say that I don’t struggle with intense (life threatening bouts) of depression.  What I struggle with is an onslaught of heaviness and “downtroddeness” that hits me for a few days (the most I’ve ever struggled was about one whole month) at a time.  So it comes and goes.  There are days (especially here in Thailand) where I am SO happy to be alive.  But there are days when by all standards life is good, and yet I cannot be happy for some reason.  So, I would say I have a mild/moderate case of depression that I am able to cope with.

Secondly, my last  post “A neverending battle?” was my attempt to take my struggle, disassociate myself from it, and really for the first time examine it as an outsider.  Now, I understand completely that for people who are in the midst of depression, this can be virtually impossible to do.  I’ve been there!  I know what the darkness and hopelessness feels like.  I remember what it was like to not want to get out of my bed to face another day, but just sleep my life away!  I’ve experienced this very feeling.  And the last thing I could do was take a step back and analyze it casually and systematically.  But when you get to a place where you can, I urge you to do it.  Step back from your life calmly investigate what this illness is all about.  That’s what I was attempting to do in my last post, and I must say, it helped me tremendously.  Did I find all the answers?  No.  But, I was for the first time, able to look at it square in the eyes and not be so frightened by it.  I think that is important for depression.  I think that half the battle of depression is learning not to be afraid of it.  The thought, “Will this ever end?  Will I ever be normal?” strikes fear that gives depression more power than it deserves.

So that’s what my last post was all about.  Investigation.  A game plan.  Hope. 

Lastly, the sole reason I’m able to deal with depression (just like anything else in my life) is my absolute hope in Christ Jesus.  I know with all that I am, that I’m loved and cherished by an amazing God because He’s graciously forgiven me of my sins and made me clean.  He’s a loving Father who delights in me.  This gives me hope.  Even when I don’t feel like I’m loved or cherished (depression can make you feel pretty worthless), God constantly affirms His love for me by giving me His presence.  My hope is in Christ.

Dwell in His love, grace, and JOY.

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